August 23, 2012 (Part 2)

I didn’t know what I should do since had heard the news. This was out of my thought; my young brother had to leave the world so fast; he was just fifteen.

“Be patient, Rus… just pray for him. Perhaps, it’s the best way for him. Hopefully, he is in the best place there”, said my roommate, sat beside me and tried to sympathize with me.  I didn’t give any answer to her, kept being silent.

Then, my roommate left me alone in my room, I thought she knew what I was feeling, I wanted to be alone. I did nothing, just laid my head on pillow. I wanted to go home that night, but my parents didn’t allow me because it was night and also the distance was not near.

I still didn’t believe it. I felt I had just seen him two weeks ago, since we had been apart quite long time.  He became taller than me, he also didn’t talk a lot, it was so different when we were in childhood, we always got quarrel everyday at home.

The Next day, I went to my hometown. My feelings were so mixed up. It felt like I was not ready to see my brother’s corpse. At home, I saw so many people there, I looked for my mother. When I found her, I couldn’t hold my tear dropping. I could see there was a sorrow in her eyes. I hugged her, and we cried together.

It was time to do the funeral. I was stuck at the corner of the room. I didn’t know why I felt so afraid to see my brother. Many people asked me to get close to him, to see his face for the last time. But, I didn’t do. I just saw my parents from the distance; my father seemed so strong, but I know he was so crushed, than my mother cried loudly, many people tried to hold her, but she didn’t care. Then I felt like get trapped in the edge. Just crying. There was no bravery to see my brother’s corpse.

“ don’t you wanna see your brother for the last time ? “ asked my aunt. I didn’t give the answer. I also didn’t understand why I didn’t want to.

***

Later, I often found my mother alone in the room. She became lazy to eat. I always asked her to eat, she just said, “I am not hungry”

“ please, don’t be too over, mom “, I said  to her.

“how pity your brother is, he had died because of the accident like that. If he just studied here, it would not happened to him” , my mother sobbed.

I hugged her, tried to not cry. “mom, it is the destiny of God. We must be sure that he is happy there. We don’t have to regret everything which already happened. Just pray of him, mom”, I pretended to be strong in front of her. I knew, my parents were desperately down because of it, but I was so sure they are strong human. They definitely would accept the reality. It was like me who try to do it; I thought that we can’t against the destiny of the god. It was out of our control.

 Then, I just accompanied my parents for a few days, and then I was back to do my duty as a students.And now, I can see it. It had been seven months since my brother passed away. And my parents live the life as usual. As their daughter, I would try to be always doing the best for them.