Aku Tidak Lebih Baik

Aku terkadang merasa beberapa orang begitu jahat. 

Kenapa mereka bisa berbuat seperti itu? . Kenapa dia tega? 

Kenapa dia tidak memikirkan perasaan orang lain. Khususnya orang terdekatnya. 

Lantas, akupun merasa diri ini lebih baik dari dirinya. Setidaknya aku tidak berbuat seperti yang dia lakukan. Itu pikirku, saat itu. 

Namun, kini aku merasa paling hina karena pikiranku sendiri. 

Mengapa aku bisa berpikir seperti itu? 

Padahal aku belum pernah menjadi mereka.

Aku tidak tau apa yang mereka alami sampai mereka melakukan itu. 

Aku bisa jadi berbuat hal yang sama atau bahkan lebih buruk. 

Aku telah lupa, betapa banyak aibku yang Allah sembunyikan, lantas mengapa aku malah mencibir aib orang lain? 

Itulah manusia, tempat salah dan khilaf. Seharusnya aku tahu itu. Manusia tidak selalu berbuat benar dan sesuai aturan. Bertindak salah juga manusiawi. 

Yang harus aku lakukan adalah jangan sibuk melihat keburukan orang lain, tapi sibuklah intropeksi diri yang bisa jadi lebih buruk. 

July 23 2012

Until now, I still don’t believe that he had left the world. I still feel he were at home, gathering with  my parents there. I still could hear his voice in the silent, calling me.

I remember,  on July 23, 2012; it was about 7.00 pm, then I got the message from my cousin.

“Rus, Ipan meninggal , kecelakaan”
Rus, Ipan has died, got accident !

Deg ! I didn’t know what I should do. I cried. Just crying. All my friends that in my rent house was confused seeing me crying suddenly.  And then, they knew after read inbox in my phone. They tried to entertain me.

I talked to my parents in phone; I couldn’t hold my tear dropping.  I was so sad hearing they talked, especially, my mother. I could imagine how they felt, losing the only son, that they love so much. I wanted going to my hometown at that night, but my parents didn’t allow me. So , I went there the next day.

He was a nice boy, he was 16. He studied in the boarding school. He was excellent in reading the Qoran, he often joined the competition and won. He was one of the Qori in his boarding school. He also had a good voice; he became muadzin and vocalist of Habsyi in his school. Sometimes, the teacher asked his help to teach the student else. And he was so good in sport, especially football.  But, he was so bad in mathematics.

Because he was in boarding school. It made us become not often to gather. And also, since junior till senior high school, I studied far from my hometown and lived In the dormitory. One of the rule was the chance to going home is only twice a year : on idul fitri and second semester holiday. So, it made me almost never meet him. and it made me not too close with him. furthermore, he was a silent boy, he did not often talk.

It was different when we were still in childhood. When, we still together with family at home. I thought, he was too naughty when he was child. He was so annoying. We often got quarrel at that time, even sometimes I cried because of him. but, sometimes he also cried because of me. well,  I think, that’s normal happened in sibling.

Time by time, we grew up. We almost never meet and finally now we will never gather any more. I just can pray of him, I hope he is in peaceful place there.